Sanctimommy: The New Reality TV

Ok people.  Seriously.  How many times do we have to say it: quit judging each other!  Especially us moms out there.  Do you even realize how much we have to contend with?!  And, I understand this is a first world problem right here, but the vast amount of choices we have to make concerning our parenting is ridiculous.  Hospital v. birth center, birth center v. home birth, midwife v. OB, cloth v. disposable, breast v. bottle, formula v. breastmilk (I'm biased here since massive studies have shown the benefits of breastfeeding for at least 6 months, but I digress.), crying it out v. attachment parenting, stroller v. sling, vaccines, solid food, toys, tv time, working, working out, staying at home, work at home mother, play dates, day care, babysitters v. full time nanny........  do you see what I'm getting at here!?  

It is completely overwhelming.  And having someone at every turn tell you your decisions are wrong is not only soul crushing and infuriating, but utterly wrong. And it's on every single side of every single issue out there!

There is a term out there right now: "Sanctimommy."  

This has come to describe the pedestal and holier than thou attitude so many moms seem to have taken as of late when coming across a parenting decision that does not coincide with their own.  I happened across an article of a woman's response to an open letter on why a mom chose to work.  The response was full of snarkiness, passive aggressive comments, and a condescending tone.  I literally could not believe what I was reading.  Let me tell you, I tried to read it neutrally, I really did. As a student of Anthropology I am trained to observe human interactions and behaviors in a neutral state of mind and to view it simply as what is considered truth by the person who is exhibiting said behavior.  What I observed pissed me off.  I am a stay at home mom myself, so I was interested to read what this woman's reasons were for her choice.  I could not, however, get past the lines I read that shot down the working mother's reasons for continuing to work.  And the last line of "because I love you more than I love myself" was clearly a last dig as what she presumed to be a selfish and "loving herself more than her children" behavior by the working mother.

Get down off your high horse, honey.

Because you know what? I get that working mom.  I love being a stay at home mom right now. But I also like feeling that I am contributing to our household.  I understand I am by us not having to pay for child care, and that by being the care taker of the house my husband does not have to worry about things going on over here and can just do his job. But to have something of your very own, to feel that you have some independence and freedom, at least for me, makes me feel that I can do a better job at home and with my son.  If you feel creative and free and independent by staying at home with your little ones, cool, good on you!  But if you feel constricted, suffocated, depressed and dependent, how is that going to allow you to be a good mother and partner?  Short answer, it won't.  the resentment will build, and that will  create a snowball effect on all your relationships within the household.  

So instead of creating even more drama, why don't we just sit back and say "cool."  You don't have to agree, you don't have to even really like it.  But guess what?  It's not your fucking kid.  You don't want someone judging you, how about taking a huge step back and seeing it for what it is.  We live in a world with enough judgment and ideals blasted at us daily.  Men compete, women are hardwired for a more community type living.  We deal with enough competition on a daily bases, why the in hell would we want anymore of it?

So ladies, let's just chill the fuck out.  There is more than enough stupid drama on those ridiculous reality tv shows, just leave it there.  It has no place or merit within the mothering community.