Just a funny little ditty about baby poop.
Oh yes people, it's the baby poop story. We've all got them, and even people without kids can relate to the grossness and hilarity of baby poop.
Our kid is a little exhibitionist, like most little boys are. Plus now we are living in Texas, and there is no better way to dry the kid off after the pool or bath by letting him run around our balcony bare naked. He thinks it's the best thing in the world, we get to spend time in the fresh air, and it's one less step in getting him ready for bed. My husband also continuously states that it's good for him to get the chance to "air the balls".
It was B's birthday (his 1st! When the hell did that happen????), and we had just finished the cake which was smoothed all over.....well everything. So we took him out to the patio, stripped him down, and literally rinsed him using the watering can. Yah, we're those parents. B was having a grand old time, nice and cool from the water, naked as the day his was born (ha, it was his BIRTHday), and running around chasing the animals. Then he starts squatting. We're used to this, he never sits, he always crouches down and sits in a squat. However, this time we heard a bunch of farts; ppbbbt phhbbbt bbbbbbrrrrt. He would look up at us giggling like it was the most hilarious thing in the world. I looked at Dustin and said, "If he poops you're cleaning it up."
"Oh he won't", was the reply.
"He's farting and just had dinner and cake, it's coming."
Not 5 minutes later, I happen to hear some grunting, a fart, and look over just in time to see our son deposit a hot, steaming pile of poop that might have been big enough for an adult onto our outdoor rug. The only thing I remember is thinking that it looked exactly like the pile of $h!t emoji icons on our smartphones, as I went running for the wipes and a diaper since obviously naked time was waaaaaay over. I have no clue as to how Dustin cleaned that up, but have a sneaking feeling the dust pan was involved and can only hope he washed it thoroughly with scalding hot water, bleach or whatever the hell else could kill poop bacteria. And while I'm past the point of bodily functions from the baby grossing me out, seeing it sitting on the patio had me doing the "huuaaaahhh, huuuaaaaaaa" noises.
We'll keep letting the boy "air his balls", but from now on if food is recently involved, those cute diapers from Honest Company will be staying on his little bum, so the poop will remain off our balcony. Last thing we need is another stepping in poop story (yep, did that too, feel better?) to add to my repertoire.
Oh yes people, it's the baby poop story. We've all got them, and even people without kids can relate to the grossness and hilarity of baby poop.
Our kid is a little exhibitionist, like most little boys are. Plus now we are living in Texas, and there is no better way to dry the kid off after the pool or bath by letting him run around our balcony bare naked. He thinks it's the best thing in the world, we get to spend time in the fresh air, and it's one less step in getting him ready for bed. My husband also continuously states that it's good for him to get the chance to "air the balls".
It was B's birthday (his 1st! When the hell did that happen????), and we had just finished the cake which was smoothed all over.....well everything. So we took him out to the patio, stripped him down, and literally rinsed him using the watering can. Yah, we're those parents. B was having a grand old time, nice and cool from the water, naked as the day his was born (ha, it was his BIRTHday), and running around chasing the animals. Then he starts squatting. We're used to this, he never sits, he always crouches down and sits in a squat. However, this time we heard a bunch of farts; ppbbbt phhbbbt bbbbbbrrrrt. He would look up at us giggling like it was the most hilarious thing in the world. I looked at Dustin and said, "If he poops you're cleaning it up."
"Oh he won't", was the reply.
"He's farting and just had dinner and cake, it's coming."
Not 5 minutes later, I happen to hear some grunting, a fart, and look over just in time to see our son deposit a hot, steaming pile of poop that might have been big enough for an adult onto our outdoor rug. The only thing I remember is thinking that it looked exactly like the pile of $h!t emoji icons on our smartphones, as I went running for the wipes and a diaper since obviously naked time was waaaaaay over. I have no clue as to how Dustin cleaned that up, but have a sneaking feeling the dust pan was involved and can only hope he washed it thoroughly with scalding hot water, bleach or whatever the hell else could kill poop bacteria. And while I'm past the point of bodily functions from the baby grossing me out, seeing it sitting on the patio had me doing the "huuaaaahhh, huuuaaaaaaa" noises.
We'll keep letting the boy "air his balls", but from now on if food is recently involved, those cute diapers from Honest Company will be staying on his little bum, so the poop will remain off our balcony. Last thing we need is another stepping in poop story (yep, did that too, feel better?) to add to my repertoire.
