Baby B's First Christmas

I feel terrible.  My little man is having his first Christmas, and I'm over here like, "Paint me green and call me the Grinch."

Normally, I am all over Christmas like diabetes inducing frosting on Christmas cookies.  This year, I guess just with having finished finals while having an infant, dealing with the husband's surgery, and just general money issues like everyone, I'm just over it.  I don't want Christmas to be over, I just want to stop feeling numb inside.  It's too strange and I don't like it.  But, my mother sent him a butt-ton of gifts, and the mountains finally have some snow, so I guess I'm going to start in on the wine and force out some Christmas spirit if it kills me.  I really want to just be happy and enjoy his first Christmas, I mean, you only get it once :)

Chapter Changes

It's like starting new diaries or journals.  You get to a point where the old one no longer serves you.  You've changed, your life has changed, your direction has changed.  So do you stubbornly stick with the old, or do you throw yourself into the new, and flow with the wind?  I'm choosing the wind this time.  Cut the losses, transfer a few meaningful things to bring with you, and keep going. 

Why is it so hard to figure myself out? I am so many things: Mother, wife, student, belly dancer, wannabe writer and blogger.  But, as the end of the year comes, I feel this hectic surge of energy to start anew, in a new direction.  To be successful, as I have felt such a failure this year.  Mothering is hard, losing the life you had and attempting to reclaim your identity even as you have a monkey attached to you, demanding every last ounce of strength, energy and attention you have.  

But anyway.  Change.  Me.  Yah.